Mannequin: Fantastic Plastic Valentine Diversion?
Could there really be a better way to commemorate Valentine’s Day? Oh, most definitely, but Mannequin gets the job done. It’s a piquant little time capsule, reminding us when we all thought bright colors, flipped collars, and Starship were cool.
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Wes Platt
Wes Platt
Valentine’s Day is upon us, which reminds me of movies. You’re probably thinking, “Whatever, nerd. Everything reminds you of movies.” You would not be wrong, but this Hallmark holiday calls to mind a very specific flick that I sought out for this evening of hearts and flowers. It was 1987, and I was in high school. A romantic movie that had just come out and I wanted to share it with that special someone.
I didn’t have a special someone, so me and two pals ended up at the Interstate Mall Six in Altamonte Springs (outside Orlando), watching Kim Cattrall and Andrew McCarthy in a tale of true love and inadvertent sex dolls. Mannequin was a minor hit back then, but it’s more remembered now for its theme song. “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” became a chart-topper, and it was written for the movie by Albert Hammond and Diane Warren. They also composed a bunch of cheesy love songs for folks like Tina Turner, Chicago, and Roy Orbison.
This song was recorded by a band called Starship. They formed as Jefferson Airplane in the ‘60s and became Jefferson Starship in the ’70s. It always makes me smile just a bit when I remember that one of the pioneers of psychedelic rock, the band behind “Somebody to Love” and “White Rabbit,” ultimately evolved into a silly bubblegum pop band that scored a #1 hit with a tune for a movie about agalmatophilia. Hey, even rockers got bills to pay.
Mannequin was just one of many thankless roles Cattrall endured before landing her legendary role as Samantha on Sex and the City. A year earlier, she had been fighting Chinese sorcerers with Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China, but you’re only as good as your next gig. So Mannequin is my recommendation for your Valentine’s viewing. I thought I should share my most romantic movie experience, but because I don’t really have one, here’s where I ended up.
Going through my past cinematic misadventures, I probably also could have written about the time I took my wife on our first date to see You’ve Got Mail. Meg Ryan is like the queen of romantic comedies, after all. Her movies are kind of required first-date material. I only found out after the fact that my significant other wasn’t a huge Meg Ryan fan. On the plus side, You’ve Got Mail also has Tom Hanks, the internet, and big-box bookstores, so that’s cool, right?
I’m thinking that movie probably was more legit than this flick about the rich kid from Pretty in Pink cavorting with a curvaceous hunk of plastic, but Mannequin popped into my head first. It conjured up all those memories of a Valentine’s Day almost 40 years ago. Why I thought it was a good idea to see a romantic comedy about a store display come to life, I really don’t know. Kim Cattrall isn’t even on the poster! Dude, what was I thinking? And going with my nerd bros also was a serious lapse in judgment.
Going to Mannequin with my posse was still not as big a misstep as taking my beloved to see Simply Irresistible back in February 1999. In that movie, Sarah Michelle Gellar is a chef with a magical crab. It helps her to create dishes that elicit strong emotions in her diners. She uses her supernatural culinary prowess to save her tiny neighborhood cafe while also crushing on that Boondock Saint who played young Indiana Jones. This flick is dang near unwatchable. (Editor’s Note: Maybe watch Ratatouille again instead!)
Jeff Stanford
I still carry the shame for picking that one on date night. So you see that there are plenty of red flags in my movie history to prove that I shouldn’t be curating titles for a national holiday about love and chocolate. But you’re stuck with me, so let’s just get to it. This plane is leaving the tarmac, and the in-flight movie is Mannequin. Cattrall plays an ancient Egyptian (just go with it) named Emmy who has been turned into a spirit by the gods. She can’t take human form until she finds true love. Emmy ends up inhabiting a department store mannequin designed by struggling artist Jonathan (Andrew McCarthy).
Turns out she has been the muse inspiring Jonathan’s art all along, but Emmy can only come to life around him when they are alone. So they canoodle privately, participating in a lot of cheeky montages to innocuous pop tunes like every couple did in ‘80s romantic comedies. Occasionally, someone spies them together, which is awkward because it looks like this goofball is getting up close and personal with an inanimate object.
Jonathan attracts the attention of the department store manager (Holy crap, it’s James Spader!) and their inept head of security (G.W. Bailey riffing on his role from the Police Academy movies. They skulk around in an attempt to catch him in the act of doing something unseemly with store property. Hijinks ensue, but it’s ultimately revealed that the manager is in cahoots with the store’s competitor to sabotage operations.
In between, there are more montages (oh, so many montages), a romantic motorcycle ride through the city, and a climactic race to save the mannequin from a trash compactor. Jonathan proves his undying love for Emmy, and she’s granted mortality. The movie ends with them getting married in the store window as the dulcet tones of Grace Slick and Mickey Thomas swell in the background to polite applause. Roll credits.
Could there really be a better way to commemorate Valentine’s Day? Oh, most definitely, but Mannequin gets the job done. It’s a piquant little time capsule, reminding us when we all thought bright colors, flipped collars, and Starship were cool. Besides Cattrall, McCarthy, and Spader, this movie features the iconic Estelle Getty (Sophia on The Golden Girls) as the owner of the department store and Meshach Taylor (the only dude in Designing Women’s main cast) as Jonathan’s flamboyant co-worker.
Taylor should have been locked up because he steals all his scenes as Hollywood Montrose. He’s also the only cast member to return in the sequel, Mannquin Two: On the Move. Cattrall and McCarthy apparently both enjoyed the whimsical vibes of the first movie, but not enough for a second time around. They were replaced by Kristy Swanson (from the movie version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and William Ragsdale (from the original Fright Night, not the remake with Colin Farrell and McLovin).
Both flicks were written by Michael Gottlieb (who also directed the first movie), but Taylor’s character and the department store setting are the only similarities. This one’s all about reincarnation, ancient curses, and of course, true love. Okay, love is a common thread in both movies, which I guess makes them ideal for this romantic holiday weekend. I suggest you watch Mannequin twice instead of attempting the sequel. It’s not as good as its predecessor.
You can find both streaming now on Pluto TV. Just be careful because my Roku called up Mannequin Two when I clearly clicked on Mannequin prime. I tried it twice, so I know it’s not user error. There is obviously a higher power at work. Could it be love? Fate? Meshach Taylor? I think it’s just karma biting me on the nose for taking my wife to see Simply Irresistible. I’m still apologizing for that one. In my defense, the movie did have ultimate Buffy and those magical crabs.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Want More Overcaffeinated Chatter? Join Jeff Stanford and Wes Platt for episodes of Nerdspresso Phase II!
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