[Nerdspresso] An Elegy for Rutger Hauer

Cool. Clever. Cunning. These are the words that come to mind when I think of the legendary Rutger Hauer. We lost this awesome dude five years ago and perusing some of his titles on the streamers recently got me thinking about his cinematic legacy. The dude had some memorable roles: Nighthawks, Blade Runner, LadyHawke, The Hitcher, and The Blood of Heroes. He could play a stalwart hero or a charming villain. 

While Roy Batty is my all-time favorite Hauer role, he made quite an impression on 12-year-old me when he was the bad guy in Nighthawks. He was a suave terrorist opposite Sly Stallone’s hardboiled cop in a cat-and-mouse story playing out in the urban jungle of NYC. Nighthawks resonates for two reasons: it was the first time I ever saw Rutger Hauer and it was the first time I watched an R-rated movie without adult supervision.

It was around 1982 and my family had just subscribed to HBO. We had that box on the TV where you switched the switch to get to the good stuff. We’d been watching a movie, probably something with George Segal, and then my folks went to bed, leaving my sister and me alone as the opening credits of Nighthawks unfurled. They didn’t seem too concerned. The movie starred Rocky, Lando Calrissian, and the Bionic Woman. How bad could it be?

I was a pre-teen indulging in some late-night, R-rated movie magic, but there was another reason I was cultivated by this flick. Here was this charismatic international dude, who I’d never seen before, and he was both cool and scary. He and his girlfriend, the bald chick from the first Star Trek movie (now not bald), were doing their best to turn the Big Apple into fruit salad. Most of the movie villains I’d encountered then were of the animated variety so Hauer’s darkly charismatic Wulfgar was a revelation. I was going to keep an eye on this guy. 

Over the years, Hauer’s temperature in Hollywood fluctuated like a kid with the flu. Late-night HBO became his stomping grounds, and then the video store. He didn’t get top billing in too many big-name movies after the ’80’s, but you always knew when he was onscreen. Plus, the guy will forever be known as the hunky killer robot who broke Harrison Ford’s fingers and delivered one of the best movie monologues ever. He was that cool. 

While browsing the lineup on one of the streaming channels, I spied him in a C-List sci-fi thriller and thought I’d check it out. Split Second is a messy amalgam of Blade Runner, Seven, and 48 Hours. While it’s not Hauer’s final film, it’s the last movie I’ve seen with him in it so it plays like his swan song in my addled brain. It’s set in the near future of 2008 (it was made in 1992). Don’t you love it when you watch these old movies with near future settings and you’re already living past that date? It makes me feel just like Nostradamus!

In the 2008 of Split Second, London has succumbed to flooding in the wake of intense rains caused by global warming. The only impact of which is what looks like streets that were hosed down before they filmed the scene. This movie wants to serve up a creepy dystopian vibe, but someone should have told them you need more than bad lighting to create atmosphere. 

The future noir setting is mainly an excuse to make everything look dingy. And the only nod to the future seems to be the opening coda and all the really big guns on display. Oh, and all those sloshy streets. Hauer plays Harley Stone, an edgy cop chasing a serial killer who offed his partner. The bad guy shows up once a month to disembowel his prey and leave cryptic messages for our hero. 

Here’s my biggest problem with this movie. The villain defies explanation. He’s grounded in reality at points and supernatural at others. It’s like the screenwriters spun a wheel before scripting every scene. Hauer’s character development is limited to his costume choices: trenchcoat, dark glasses, big guns. Not a ton of surprises here. Except maybe why you’re watching this movie. 

If you’re curious, you can catch Split Second on Peacock, Tubi, or Pluto TV. But you have been warned, it is not very good. You feel bad for everyone in it, including Kim Cattrall in a pre-Sex and the City role, but you really weep for Hauer. Not only because he’s no longer with us, but because he deserves a better elegy than this tepid schizoid little flick. You’re better off watching Blade Runner again. Or even Hobo with a Shotgun.