[Nerdspresso] Dragon Impresses as "Damsel" Distresses

Who doesn’t love a movie with a dragon in it? I’ve been known to check out dragon flicks. There’s Pete’s Dragon (both versions), Dragonslayer, Dragonheart, Reign of Fire and The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Dragons are cool. They are scary. Dragons can be ominous predators or mysterious antiheroes. And sometimes they speak in British accents.

There’s a dragon at the center of the Netflix movie, Damsel, starring Millie Bobby Brown from Stranger Things. You know, I can’t write her name without thinking of Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston’s ex-husband. Remember him? Bobby Brown was a teen idol in the ’80’s with New Edition and became infamous for taking a pee in the back of an Orlando cop car in 1995. Bobby Brown? Anyone? Anyone? Sorry, that’s just how my mind works.

So, Millie Bobby made a name for herself as Eleven, the psychic kid with the key to another dimension, in that Netflix runaway hit. Since then, she’s parlayed that stardom into a shot opposite Godzilla and two turns as a precocious teen detective in Enola Holmes. In every role, she’s spent a lot of time running around screaming and crying, which seems to be her wheelhouse. Her role in Damsel is no exception.

This flick wants to be a girl power take on the classic fairy tale trope of the damsel in distress. Hey, I’m down with this idea, but when the pre-credits voiceover says this isn’t your typical story about the damsel needing rescuing, it kind of spoils the fun. I’m totally cool with a strong female heroine but let me watch the character evolve over the course of the movie. Let’s have a few surprises.

Damsel wants to turn the classic princess story on its ear, but they don’t leave much room for any mystery. When you first see Princess Elodie doing chores in her low rent kingdom, you can tell she’s not the typical princess, y’all. She takes care of business. Seems her kingdom has fallen on hard times and Elodie does what she can to take care of her little sister and keep her kingly dad in line, played with medieval bluster by the awesome Ray Winstone.

Dad has entered into an agreement with a neighboring kingdom to marry Elodie off in exchange for a big payday. This bounty will mean the survival of his realm. And as a bonus, Elodie gets to live in a fancy castle with her in-laws, including Queen Robin Wright – who imbues her role with just the right amount of frosty nobility. Elodie’s dad and sis are all about this hookup because the new digs are sweet. Her stepmom (Angela Basset, dialing back the bodacious regality that was her calling card in the Black Panther movies), is starting to suspect something is rotten in Denmark (or wherever this kingdom is located).

Elodie flirts with her betrothed, a sweet but dull prince played by Nick Robinson (one of the annoying teens from Jurassic World). They stroll and ride horses, enjoying some idle chatter about family traditions and obligations. Following a storybook ceremony, the newlyweds traverse to the top of a creepy mountain where they are joined by the whole freaking town for a weird ceremony. The groom then throws the bride down a chasm because SURPRISE she’s a sacrifice for the dragon that holds the kingdom hostage.

I would feel guilty for spoiling what should be a satisfying plot twist, but the filmmakers blew this surprise in the movie’s trailer. Hover over Damsel in the Netflix queue and you’ll get the full gist in about 90 seconds. Even without those hints, you can predict this move coming the moment Elodie walks into her fiancé’s castle. You know it’s leading somewhere.

All the pageantry is set up for what comes next. There’s a lot of attention paid to Elodie getting dolled up for her wedding as her attendants apply layer upon layer of an elaborate wedding dress. You really get the vibe that the filmmakers want you to pay attention to this scene. Look, we’re giving her a dagger. Check out these really poofy sleeves. Wink. Wink.

Damsel turns out to not be a fairy tale, but a halfway decent cat and mouse story with Elodie evading the nasty dragon in the cavernous depths of the mountain. As she escapes being turned into charcoal, Elodie discovers the secret that keeps the royal family constantly turning blushing brides into dragon kibble.

Millie Bobby Brown does a decent John McClane impression as the right person in the wrong place at the wrong time living by her wits to survive. All that wedding fashion finally pays off when the things get real down in the cave. Elodie makes bandages, ropes, weapons and more from her bridal gown and you start to wonder if those handmaidens knew what was going down. Honestly, this wedding dress is like a Swiss Army Knife. I’ve never seen clothing be so useful in a life-or-death situation. But then I’ve never faced down a fire breathing dragon either.

No disrespect to 11 Enola Holmes, but the dragon is the real star of this flick. Voiced by Academy Award nominee and star of The Expanse, Shohreh Agdashloo, this critter owns every scene. More than just a token villain, you start to warm up to this character in the same way you dug Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. This is one charming dragon. Agdashloo does more with just her voice than most of the cast does with their entire bodies. It’s a nice touch making the dragon female, adding unspoken layers to the character that pay off later.

I can’t say enough about Agdashloo’s work in this movie. Like James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader in Star Wars, she really breathes life into this character. You would hope her co-stars would rise to the challenge, but no such luck. All Brown does is scream and run while Wright simmers, Basset pines and Winstone bellows. It’s odd that these filmmakers recruited an A-list cast and then only use them for stock characters. You’re waiting for the senior members of the cast to just look at the camera and shrug “It’s a living.”

Not that this movie requires any thespian gymnastics. It’s all about the visuals. Viewers get a feast for the eyes with extravagant castles, luscious mountain ranges and dank, dark crevasses full of lurking evil. We get eye-popping images of songbirds on fire, crystal caves, bioluminescent bugs, and threatening labyrinths. And oh yeah, that dragon with the molten lava breath does not disappoint. What the movie lacks in depth, it makes up for in dazzling sights.

Damsel is an effective diversion, but not very memorable. While Millie Bobby Brown had an auspicious debut as Eleven, she hasn’t done much to capitalize on that potential. She does okay as a precocious princess in the Belle/Merida/Anna mold, but always stays in her lane.

The script rarely rises above the quality of a middling young adult novel, kind of a junior Game of Thrones. And that brings up maybe the biggest question of this whole thing. Am I really the target audience for Damsel? Maybe all the tweens in out there in Netflix land are really digging it, but I thought it was just okay.

But, hey, that dragon is still really cool.

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