[Nerdspresso] I Spy a Mediocre Espionage Romp in "Argylle"

I took my family on a cruise recently and every night the ship hosted a “dive in movie.” They would project a flick on a giant screen above the main pool on the deck. It was quite a blast, lounging in the dark with sea winds whipping around while you watched a movie. The selections were somewhat recent box office offerings (The Fall Guy, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Dune: Part 2) so it still felt like moviegoing rather than just watching TV by your pool. 

If you get a chance, I really encourage you to try it out. You’re not just screening a movie, you’re having an EXPERIENCE. The setting makes up for the film’s shortcomings, which can really add to your enjoyment. The last night on the cruise they were showing Argylle, the recent espionage adventure by Matthew Vaughn, the co-writer/director of the Kingsman triology. It was fun, but being on the ship helped. 

Watching this movie again on AppleTV+ without the distraction of an ocean liner made its weaknesses really stand out. Argylle has verve, but overall it’s mediocre. Its best moments are courtesy of a top-notch cast that includes Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Catherine O’Hara, Bryan Cranston, and Samuel L. Jackson. Argylle has the same snappy vibe of Vaughn’s other spy movies, but just misses the target. 

Howard (Jurassic World, The Help) plays Elly Conway, a mousy writer of best-selling spy novels. She is stuck for an ending for her fifth book, which chronicles the adventures of super secret agent Argylle. The book is visualized with fantasy sequences featuring Henry Cavill (Man of Steel, Mission Impossible: Fallout) as the hero. These bits are swift, light, and a lot of fun. Cavill is a comic book James Bond, all charm and no edge, but very entertaining. 

His performance is remiscent of his turn as Napoleon Solo in Guy Ritchie’s The Man From U.N.C.L.E. reboot a few years back (another spy flick with real style and zest). These scenes include cameos from Jon Cena (The Suicide Squad, Peacemaker), Richard E. Grant (legendary character actor from Withnail and I, Hudson Hawk, and Gosford Park), Ariana DeBose (the original “Bullet” in the hit musical Hamilton and an Oscar Winner for Spielberg’s West Side Story) and pop chanteuse Dua Lipa. 

Thinking a trip home will cure her writer’s block, Elly boards a train with her adorable cat ensconsed in her backback (with a special porthole so we can catch all the cute kitty moments). A talkative fan sits next to her. After some awkward conversation, he steps in and rescues Elly when the other passengers attack. The train is full of assassins and this super fan is actually a spy! He goes into John Wick mode, dispatching the bad guys with a series of hyper-kinetic chopsocky maneuvers. 

He, Elly, and the cat then escape the speeding train via a secret parachute and hide out at his cabin in the woods. Elly learns her protector is rogue agent Aidan Wylde (Sam Rockwell from Galaxy Quest, Iron Man 2). He has defected from the Division, a super-secret spy agency run by Director Ritter (Bryan Cranston from Breaking Bad) that is now bent on world domination. They are after Elly because her novels have coincidentally mimicked the Division’s plans. They need to stop her before her next book accidentally exposes them. 

Elly and Aidan are now off on a globe-hopping mission from Colorado to London to the vineyards of France and the deserts of Arabia, but all is not what it seems. Argylle is a watchable trifle. It’s flashy and fast-paced; sassy and slick. But it can’t decide whether it wants to be a spy movie or a parody of a spy movie. Sometimes it succeeds at both, just not at the same time. The bone-crushing action and outrageous stunts don’t always mesh well with the comedy, and that disconnect can be a little jarring. This movie really soars when it just lets its expert play. The rest of the time this flick is buried by the detritus of a big-budget action film. It’s all a blur of fists, explosions, and clever retorts. And there’s a cute cat. 

Howard is amusing as the clumsy author in over her head and Rockwell gets an A+ as the snarky hero. The cat gets props, too. When he’s not CGI, he is played by Chip - a Scottish Fold belonging to supermodel Claudia Schiffer, who also happens to be married to the director. There is major nepo kitty action on display here, but this feline earns it. The settings are stunning, although a lot of them look a little too green-screened to be real. 

Director Vaughn did all this stuff better with his Kingsman movies, which makes Argylle play like that franchise’s goofy cousin. This filmmaker is an accomplished genre talent with some cool flicks under his belt. I expected more from him. Besides Kingsman, he’s got the fantasy Stardust, the superhero romp Kick Ass, the two best X-Men movies, and the crime caper Layer Cake (with a pre-007 Daniel Craig). He’s got the chops, but Argylle feels lazy. 

This movie is just a collection of spy movie tropes, buoyed by an awesome cast and supreme production values.  At times, it comes off like a less cringy Austin Powers with a hint of Romancing the Stone and in other moments, it’s Mission: Impossible with colorful costumes and more self-awareness. You could do worse if you’re looking to kill a couple hours, but for optimum viewing, I suggest you watch it deckside on a massive boat. Or with a cat.

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