[Raising Durham] Grounding Political Talk in Family Values

On Nov. 7, 2020 – a perfect November day in Durham – my daughter Harper and I sat outside Mad Hatter’s in Durham, enjoying lunch in the autumn sunshine. As we finished eating, a caravan of honking cars zoomed down Main Street, filling the air with cheers and joyful shouts: the Associated Press finally made the call; Joe Biden had won the election.

In an instant, our quiet afternoon transformed into a memorable, city-wide celebration. We hurried home, grabbed what we needed, and joined friends and neighbors downtown in a spirited, spontaneous parade. The happiness, the relief, and the overwhelming sense of unity in that moment felt like a collective exhale

There’s a photo from that day of my fierce, beautiful girl, standing confidently in Five Points, holding up a Biden/Harris sign with pride. I smile every time I see it. That snapshot captures the heart of our family’s values and the supportive community in which she was raised – a community bound by compassion, empathy, and the belief that every person deserves respect and dignity, regardless of their background.

Having spent most of my adult, professional life working at the Emily K Center, I witnessed firsthand how the rhetoric and policies of the 2016-2020 presidential term affected our community. Our families – many of them made up of immigrants, children of immigrants, and DACA recipients – experienced hatred and vitriol and fear, and felt marginalized under federal leadership that seemed to disregard their humanity. Harper grew up in this compassionate local community, understanding the importance of standing up for others, recognizing injustices, and embracing diversity with an open heart.

As another election approaches, my hope remains that our country will choose a future grounded in empathy and respect, rather than fear.

But navigating these values in conversations with Harper isn’t always simple. She’s 11, and each day over the past several weeks, she’s been exposed to messaging and imagery that’s emotionally charged and sometimes alarming. The election ads alone have prompted so many follow-up discussions during dinner. For children this age, processing political information can be daunting, and it becomes even more complex as other members of her family hold opposing views. It can be challenging to discuss the values our family unit holds dear while respecting different perspectives.

In our house, we’ve come to lean heavily on core values to guide these talks. Rather than focusing on candidates or parties, I center the conversation on issues that resonate with our family’s beliefs. Here are some approaches I’ve found helpful:

• Redirection to Compassion and Empathy: When Harper has questions about divisive issues, I try to bring her back to empathy. For example, we might discuss immigration issues by asking, “What do you think it would feel like to leave your home for a new country? What challenges would you face?” This helps her see others’ situations with compassion, a value I hope will guide her understanding.
• Bodily Autonomy and Personal Rights: Issues around autonomy often arise, especially as she’s reaching an age where understanding her own bodily autonomy is key. If ads or discussions bring up topics like health care or personal rights, I help Harper see them through the lens of her own autonomy. This way, it’s less about politics and more about self-respect and the respect we extend to others.
• Seeing Value in Different Perspectives: We talk about how people’s views are shaped by different experiences, even those we may not understand or agree with. For example, I’ll ask her to think of a time someone made a choice she didn’t understand and how, by asking questions, she learned more about their viewpoint. Respecting others’ differences isn’t about agreeing but about seeking to understand where they’re coming from.

Each conversation becomes an opportunity to explore the “why” behind our values, giving her a foundation to think critically without feeling pressured to pick a side. We can’t control the messaging all around us, but we can equip our children with the tools to navigate it with an open, resilient heart.

As we head into next week, my hope remains the same as in 2020: that our country chooses a path forward grounded in unity, compassion, and empathy.

Heather Hindin is a Durham-based educator and single parent to 11-year-old Harper. With a career dedicated to equity in education, Heather brings both professional insight and personal experience to Southpoint Access. As the mother of a pediatric cancer survivor, she understands the importance of community and candor in overcoming parenting challenges. Together, Harper and Heather advocate for pediatric cancer awareness and research. They’ve founded Harper’s Home, a non-profit providing affordable housing to families with children receiving treatment at Duke. Heather’s Raising Durham: Tales from a Bull City Mom column offers a blend of practical advice, compassion, and community engagement, drawn from her journey as an educator, advocate, and most importantly, a mom.