[Raising Durham] How I Conquered a Lifelong Fear of Flying

The birthday card read: Two plane tickets to the destination of your choice!

A fabulous 40th birthday gift that would delight anyone, right?

WRONG! My palms were clammy as I held the card in shaking hands, my heart pounding like I’d just sprinted up a flight of stairs. A wave of dread and nausea made its presence known. This was probably not the reaction my then-partner envisioned when he handed me my birthday card.

For most of my life, the very thought of stepping onto an airplane would send me into a cold sweat with a side of heart palpitations. I grew up flying to tropical destinations with my family, but even as a child, I dreaded it. One particularly harrowing experience—a bomb scare that delayed our flight on a tarmac in the 1980s—cemented my fear. By the time I was old enough to make my own decisions, I vowed to myself I’d avoid flying altogether.

And avoid it, I did. For decades. While others booked trips to faraway destinations, I clung to road trips and missed out on opportunities that required air travel. Friends’ weddings, exotic vacations, and professional opportunities passed me by because I simply couldn’t get past my fear. It wasn’t until I received that birthday gift, that I realized how much my phobia was limiting my life—and Harper’s. My daughter deserved the world and a mom who wasn’t held back by fear. My fear was the antithesis of everything I hoped to model for her. That birthday gift became the catalyst for a seven-year journey to conquer my fear of flying.

Trial and Error: What Helped (and What Didn’t)

Over the years, I tried everything to overcome my fear. Some methods were helpful; others, not so much. Here’s what I learned:

• Hypnosis: I started with a local hypnotist whose credentials were impeccable. While the sessions were fascinating, they weren’t the game-changer I’d hoped for. My hyper-awareness kept me from fully relaxing into the process. My inner monologue was quite busy during these sessions. I did, however, make it onto a few flights afterward, thanks to a prescription sedative and beta blockers.
• Therapy and Mindfulness: My therapist worked with me on mindfulness techniques, exposure therapy (watching videos of planes taking off and landing), and relaxation exercises. While these strategies improved other areas of my life, they didn’t fully address the visceral panic I felt about flying.
• The Nightmare Flight: If there’s a worst-case scenario for a fearful flyer, it’s getting sick mid-flight. That’s exactly what happened on my honeymoon. Norovirus hit me en route to Miami, and I spent most of the flight, violently ill, locked in the bathroom during turbulence. While the experience was as awful as it sounds, it proved one thing: I could survive my worst fears coming true.

The Breakthrough Moment

Fast forward to 2022; Harper’s advocacy and fundraising work led to an invitation to attend Dick Vitale’s annual gala for the V Foundation. Harper, newly named to his All-Courageous Team, was being honored for her bravery and resilience in the face of childhood cancer. It was an opportunity I couldn’t let my fear of flying take away from her – or me.

By sheer luck, I stumbled upon a 20-minute hypnosis video on YouTube by a channel called Minds in Unison. I gave it a try, earbuds in, lying on my couch, and something remarkable happened: I relaxed fully and completely. For the first time, the thought of flying didn’t fill me with dread. After listening to the video several times, I found myself feeling calm, even excited, about boarding a plane.

Since discovering this resource, I’ve flown more than a dozen times, not only with Harper but also by myself. The hypnosis track, coupled with binaural beats playlist, transformed me into a confident, relaxed flyer. While I still feel the usual stress about airport logistics, the act of flying no longer fazes me.

A New Outlook

Overcoming my fear of flying has opened up the world for Harper and me. We’ve taken trips that I once thought impossible, and we’re always planning our next adventure. Conquering this fear has taught me the importance of persistence and keeping an open mind. Different approaches work for different people, and the key is finding what resonates with you.

If you’re someone who struggles with flying—or any fear—I hope my story encourages you to keep trying. There’s a big, beautiful world out there, and we all deserve the chance to explore it.

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