[Raising Durham] The Art of Friendship: A Durham Mom's Journey

Recently, my daughter Harper and I embarked on our annual summer trip to my hometown at the Jersey shore. As we packed our bags, I found myself looking forward not just to family time, but to my yearly girls’ dinner – a gathering of a handful of friends I’ve had since elementary school. There’s something magical about being surrounded by people who’ve witnessed every awkward phase of your life and still choose to share a bottle of wine with you as though no time has passed at all.

For many of us, life has scattered us far from our childhood homes. Whether it’s college, career, or family that takes us to new places, we often find ourselves facing the daunting task of making friends as adults. It doesn’t get any easier as we age. 

As a single mom, a cancer mom, and someone who’s reinvented herself professionally more than once, I’ve had to navigate making friends from various perspectives. Each experience has taught me something about the art of connection. Below are some of the ways I’ve grown my friend circle over the years.

When I was expecting Harper, I found myself on The Bump, an online platform for expectant mothers. What started as a place to compare notes on morning sickness and what fruit our fetus most closely resembles each week, has evolved into a vibrant community that’s still going strong 11 years later. These “pocket friends” have been there for everything from first words to first heartbreaks.

Five years into our virtual friendship, more than 30 of these women surprised me for my 40th birthday, flying into Durham from across the country for an entire weekend of celebration. It was a gesture that left me speechless and grateful. These are the same women who rallied around us when Harper was diagnosed with cancer, sending care packages, gift cards, and endless virtual support.

School has been another frontier for friendship. As one of the few single parents at Harper’s elementary school, I initially felt like an outsider. But gradually, I connected with other parents who, like me, didn’t quite fit the mold. We bonded over forgotten lunches and unconventional family structures, and created our own little community.

Work friends have been my saving grace more times than I can count. They’re the ones who’ve seen me through tough days and celebrated the victories, big and small. My closest (and first) work friend in Durham has been there for everything from baby showers to hospital visits, proving that sometimes, the people we spend our weekdays with become family.

In the past few years, I’ve forged some of my most profound friendships in the most unexpected place – the pediatric oncology floor at Duke Children’s. There’s nothing like shared adversity to create unbreakable bonds. The parents and staff I’ve met there have become my rocks, understanding our journey in a way few others can.

As Harper transitions to middle school, I find myself facing a new chapter in friendship. The days of impromptu playground meetups are waning, and I’m learning to navigate this shift alongside my daughter. It’s a reminder that friendship, like parenting, is an ever-evolving journey.

For those of us in Durham, we’re fortunate to have a wealth of opportunities to meet new people and grow our friend circles. Whether you’re new to the area or just looking to expand your social network, here are some local resources that can help:

• NC Cooperative Extension, Durham County Center: This organization offers a variety of events for the community, from gardening workshops to educational seminars. It’s a fantastic way to meet people with shared interests. Check out their event calendar here.
• Meetup.com: This website allows you to find local groups based on location, interests, and goals. Whether you’re into hiking, reading, or coding, there’s likely a group for you in Durham.
• Durham’s Nightlife: If you’re up for a night out, Durham has a vibrant bar scene with friendly people both behind the bar and sitting beside you. Check out spots like Bar Virgile, Queeny’s, and Pizzeria Tor—to name only a few—for a mix of cocktails, mocktails, and great conversation.
• Durham Parks and Recreation: This department offers a wide array of events and programs designed to help residents connect, explore, and stay active. Their event calendar is packed with opportunities to meet new people and have fun. You can explore their offerings here.
• Durham County Library: Libraries are a hub of community life, offering everything from book clubs to crafting workshops. The Durham County Library Event Calendar is a treasure trove of activities where you’re sure to find something that interests you. Visit their calendar here.

If you’re feeling isolated or struggling to find your tribe, remember this: making friends as an adult is challenging, but not impossible. Your people are out there – maybe at work, in online communities, or even in hospital waiting rooms. The key is to keep your heart open and be willing to take the first step.

My latest adventure in friend-making? I’ve signed up for an informational session for the Extension Master Gardener Program in Durham County. Will I meet my new best friend while learning about composting? Who knows! But I’m putting myself out there, ready to cultivate new connections alongside a community garden. I’ll be happy to keep you posted.

We’re all works in progress, constantly revising our friend circles. And in my experience, there’s always room for one more amazing person in the mix. So here’s to the friends we’ve known forever, the ones we’ve just met, and those we’ve yet to encounter. May our lives be richer for the connections we forge along the way.

Heather Hindin is a Durham-based educator and single parent to 11-year-old Harper. With a career dedicated to equity in education, Heather brings both professional insight and personal experience to Southpoint Access. As the mother of a pediatric cancer survivor, she understands the importance of community and candor in overcoming parenting challenges. Together, Harper and Heather advocate for pediatric cancer awareness and research. They’ve founded Harper’s Home, a non-profit providing affordable housing to families with children receiving treatment at Duke. Heather’s Raising Durham: Tales from a Bull City Mom column offers a blend of practical advice, compassion, and community engagement, drawn from her journey as an educator, advocate, and most importantly, a mom.